Voyager, by Diana Gabaldon copyright 1994
Chapter 19: To Lay a Ghost

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Back in Boston, Claire begins to put things in order at her house on Furey St. in preparation for what she suspects at this point will be a prolonged absence. The first thing she notices is that the azaleas in the front yard garden are in need of water. Not particularly fond of them in the first place, she reflects that she’s left them in place instead of pulling them out for Bree’s sake – too many changes had occurred in their lives since Frank’s death, continuity and familiarity were her primary concern. After begrudgingly giving them a drink of water from the garden hose, Claire goes inside to tend to her immediate needs for water, in the form of a nice, warm bath. As she bathes, she makes a mental note of all of the conveniences of life: appliances, vending machines, transportation by air and train and car, and wonders if she would miss them (especially the convenience of warm tap water and bathtubs, sounds familiar from Outlander, aye?) She decides that she really wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t around, in another sign that she is definitely preparing herself for a life without them. As she dries off, she gives her body a scrutinizing review of it’s shape and size, deciding, “It could be a lot worse.” (pg. 263, lg. ppbk.)

Taking a tour around the rooms of the house, she looks inside of Bree’s room, also left unchanged since her leaving for school, and makes note of the fact that Bree, like Frank, has a knack for making a room reflect the person who lives in it by decorating it with objects and pictures. Fabric, natural artifacts she’s collected, everything in the room says, “Bree”. Claire notes that this is different from the way she and Jamie have lived – in her life experience with Uncle Lamb and in the 18th century, the lack of material things created no lack of enjoyment for her, nor for Jamie. They completed their lives with one another, with each other.
Bedtime brings her back to the bedroom she’d shared with Frank, which then leads her to the memory of her last conversation with him, before he died. This memory brings a great glimpse into her life with Frank as well as a tremendous amount of their feelings for one another. The title of the book comes through more clearly than ever as she recalls bits of their conversation, which began with him waiting for her to get in bed for the night. After admitting her mental review of the latest surgery she’d performed, and his acknowledgement of that fact, as well as a shifting of the telephone from his side of the bed for hers in the event of a late night call from the hospital, startling revelations emerge:

“I’d been thinking.” Frank’s voice came out of the darkness behind me, excessively casual. “Mm?” I was still absorbed in the vision of the surgery, but struggled to pull myself back to the present. “About what?” “My sabbatical.” His leave from the university was due to start in a month. He had planned to make a series of short trips through the northeastern United States, gathering material, then go to England for six months, returning to Boston to spend the last three months of the sabbatical writing. “I’d thought of going to England straight off,” he said carefully. “Well, why not? The weather will be dreadful, but if you’re going to spend most of the time in libraries…” “I want to take Brianna with me.” I stopped dead, the cold in the room suddenly coalescing into a small lump of suspicion in the pit of my stomach. “She can’t go now; she’s only a semester from graduation. Surely you can wait until we can join you in the summer? I’ve put in for a long vacation then, and perhaps…” “I’m going now. For good. Without you.” I pulled away and sat up, turning on the light. Frank lay blinking up at me, dark hair disheveled. It had gone gray at the temples, giving him a distinguished air that seemed to have alarming effects on the more susceptible of his female students. I felt quite astonishingly composed. “Why now, all of a sudden? The latest one putting pressure on you, is she?” The look of alarm that flashed into his eyes was so pronounced as to be comical. I laughed, with a noticeable lack of humor. “You actually thought I didn’t know? God, Frank! You are the most…oblivious man!”
Gabaldon, Diana (2004). Voyager (p. 266). Dell. Kindle Edition./Trade ppbk.

“You,” I said, “have not got one bloody, filthy, stinking thing to say, about Bree or anything else!” I was trembling with rage, and had to press my fists into the sides of my legs to keep from striking him. “You have the absolute, unmitigated gall to tell me that you are leaving me to live with the latest of a succession of mistresses, and then imply that I have been having an affair with Joe Abernathy? That is what you mean, isn’t it?” He had the grace to lower his eyes slightly. “Everyone thinks you have,” he muttered. “You spend all your time with the man. It’s the same thing, so far as Bree is concerned. Dragging her into…situations, where she’s exposed to danger, and…and to those sorts of people…”

After trading accusations back and forth about infidelities, false on Frank’s part and true on Claire’s, the topic of divorce is raised by Claire along with her firm evidence of his past mistresses – many of them actually called Claire asking her to give Frank up. She assures him that not only did she tell them that she would, all he had to do was ask. Frank, after getting over his shock at this revelation, reveals that he wanted to matter to her – after telling him that she did try to love him again, he tells her that the constant reminder of Jamie must have existed, in Bree. She tells him that this was true.
Gabaldon, Diana (2004). Voyager (p. 268). Dell. Kindle Edition./Trade ppbk.

“I did love you,” I said softly, at last. “Once.” “Once,” he echoed. “Should I be grateful for that?” The feeling was beginning to come back to my numb lips. “I did tell you,” I said. “And then, when you wouldn’t go…Frank, I did try.” Whatever he heard in my voice stopped him for a moment. “I did,” I said, very softly. He turned away and moved toward my dressing table, where he touched things restlessly, picking them up and putting them down at random. “I couldn’t leave you at the first—pregnant, alone. Only a cad would have done that. And then…Bree.” He stared sightlessly at the lipstick he held in one hand, then set it gently back on the glassy tabletop. “I couldn’t give her up,” he said softly. He turned to look at me, eyes dark holes in a shadowed face. “Did you know I couldn’t sire a child? I…had myself tested, a few years ago. I’m sterile. Did you know?” I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. “Bree is mine, my daughter,” he said, as though to himself. “The only child I’ll ever have. I couldn’t give her up.” He gave a short laugh. “I couldn’t give her up, but you couldn’t see her without thinking of him, could you? Without that constant memory, I wonder—would you have forgotten him, in time?” “No.” The whispered word seemed to go through him like an electric shock.

Gabaldon, Diana (2004). Voyager (pp. 270-271). Dell. Kindle Edition./Trade ppbk.

Frank then leaves the house, into a dangerous, icy roadway for an unknown destination. Unable to go back to sleep, Claire leaves a note for Bree and goes to the hospital to check on a patient she’d performed a difficult surgery on the day before, and gratefully arrives safely and finds that her patient’s condition is stable. Frank, however, does not make it safely through the night – during his drive his car slid on a patch of black ice, and the resulting crash killed him instantly. After being transported to the hospital where Claire worked, an ER nurse delivered the terrible news. Joe Abernathy was already at the hospital and finds Claire in the room where Frank’s gurney has been placed to console her after she tells Frank again, “I did love you. Once. I did.” She then cries for Frank for the first time in the hospital room, then for the last time as she lays her hand on what was once his side of the bed. She says goodbye to Frank’s ghost and realizes their true parting came over 20 years prior, when she made her trip through the stones at Craig na dun into the 18th century.

The scene shifts back to Claire in present-day Boston. Unable to sleep in her bedroom, Claire goes to sleep on the sofa and is awakened by the delivery of a telegram with news that she may have been expecting without knowing it – the telegram is from Roger with a brief message. He has found Jamie and wants to know if Claire will come back to Scotland.

Please share your thoughts, we'd love to discuss!
* It’s interesting to note that the azaleas are a particular dislike of Claire’s – she is a gardener by nature, at least of healing herbs, why would azaleas be of particular disdain? One of the many aspects of Diana Gabaldon’s writing is the use of symbolism (real or imagined, on our parts at least!) and searching for meanings in the various objects both natural and manufactured. This site: http://www.gardenguides.com/108915-meaning-azaleas.html lists the symbolism of the azalea as: Womanhood and temperance (in China), or to symbolize the concepts of fragility and passion (in other parts of the world).

In China, other symbolic meanings and names include “dry” (because it thrives in dry soil) as well as being representative of thoughtfulness and pensiveness. Reaching even further for symbolic meanings, the azalea is a symbol for “several different cities around the United States and the planet”, including Wilmington, North Carolina! Ok, maybe that’s a super-reach, along with all of the symbolism noted here – maybe Claire just plain didn’t like the look of them. (but it’s fun to contemplate, aye?) What does everyone think?

*Bree’s room reflects a bit more about her personality. Did the description of her room give you a clearer picture of her character, beyond what has been revealed about her so far? Did any of it surprise you, or indicate a possible future interest of hers?
*Bree had apparently already moved away from home to go to university in Boston – why do you think she may have decided to do so, rather than live at home?

*Do you think Frank wanted to leave for England immediately with Bree, along with another woman based on his reaction to Claire’s response, or was his shock more from the fact that she knew he’d been having affairs?

*Having a difficult conversation with a spouse/significant other, much less one in which he/she is about to reveal that he/she is about to leave “for good” could never really be held in what anyone would consider an ideal place, but why would Frank choose to have this conversation after he and Claire were in bed for the night? Do you think he wanted Claire to insist that he stay, or say that she would go with him?

*Did Frank’s accusation that Claire was having an affair with Joe Abernathy come as a surprise? What was your reaction to his accusation?

Great summary. I just listened to this chapter a few days ago on audio. There is so much going on, where to start.

Bree's room to me just sounded like the room of a typical teenager (not unlike mine when I was that age). I found the rest of the house interesting in its spartan decor. It seems that even if Claire wasn't a great collector of things, Frank and Bree were. The house seemed to reflect Claire's taste though.

As for living at college, I know lots of kids who live in a dorm in the town their parents live in. It is a chance to spread their wings. it isn't like Claire didn't have the money for it, now is it.

Frank - aweee Frank. I found it disturbing for him to tell Claire in bed. What a horribly inopportune time. I don't think Frank wanted Claire to stay. i think emotionally, they had long moved past each other. His accusation wasn't that surprising because I think it gave him hope of deflecting his own guilt - so of if she was having an affair, it would justify his own behavior. And I was surprised by his racial attitude - not because of the time but because of his educational background. I would think a professor and historian would be more open minded.

I agree that Bree was probably ready to spread her wings, Tink. With the recent death of Frank, it was probably a good time for a clean start while still keeping her home base at the house they all lived in. Originally I had thought she might have wanted to live at home, but with Claire's busy schedule at the hospital, she may have spent a lot of time alone there, and preferred to live near/on the campus.

Frank's attitude was very puzzling. With all the places he'd seen and, as you said, the history he studied, it would've seemed that he'd feel the opposite. Jealousy is an ugly green monster, too, so he may have just been looking for even more ammunition to fuel it?

Great summary NE Mom!

I was surprised at Frank's racially prejudiced comments too. I wouldn't have expected that from him. But, perhaps he was just trying to excuse his own multiple affairs by suggesting that Claire's (supposed) one affair with a black man was far worse.

I was also surprised, not so much by the location of the talk being in bed, but that he came toward her and put his arm around (or across) her just before telling her he was leaving her to go to England and taking Bree. I could see starting the conversation with them both in bed on opposite sides, but why cuddle up to her just before saying something like that??? I don't really think Frank wanted Claire to fight for him at that point - I think they were well beyond that. So, I just don't get it.

I noticed that Claire was running a hot bath when thinking of the conveniences she might miss in the 18th century and that went back to the comment about hot baths when she chose to stay with Jamie in Outlander. Very appropriate.

I'm not sure what exactly Bree's room said about her. Obviously, she had an interest in different things and liked to display them, but I'm not sure that's so different from a lot of teenage girls, even if it is rather different from both her biological parents. But, I have basically no aesthetic sense and I don't have a lot decorating my house either, so I suppose I'm more like Claire in that and maybe I just don't get it in terms of Bree's room.

Thanks, ABL! I'm right there with you on the choice of Frank's location for his conversation with Claire about leaving, but not until this re-kilt...putting his arm around her was just - as if that would lessen her reaction to his news? It made me wonder - was he really expecting her to turn around and say "no, don't go!" ? Unlike her scenes with Jamie, when rapid temper changes were tempered by amorous (and sometimes rigorously so) reconciliations, I can't imagine that happening, for Frank. Her reaction and revelation of her knowledge about his affairs must have been like a bucket of cold water - but did he really think she didn't know?

The whole hot baths, and missing them, has hit quite close to home after having just experienced another well malfunction, at our house. Good thing my "Jamie" is on this side of Craig na dun!

Bree's room was so easy to imagine, it's fun to compare how all of our rooms were alike/different from her design. I wonder if there are any hints there as to what she'll pursue as a career in there?

One additional thing I thought about with regard to this chapter: On the one hand, Frank's announcement about taking Bree with him helps illustrate just how deep his bond was to Bree. We've heard from Claire before how attached Frank was to Bree, but I think this chapter really shows it.

On the other hand, how much of Frank's determination to take Bree with him was about wanting to be with "his" daughter, versus wanting to hurt Claire? From a parent's perspective, Frank would have to know that pulling your kid out of high school one semester before graduation is not going to go over well with the kid! But what better way to punish Claire for pining over another man for 20 years than to take away the girl who is a daily living reminder of the man Claire loves? Obviously, Frank knew that his own departure might make a dent in Claire's life, but wouldn't hurt her in a real, substantial way. But losing Bree? That would just rip her heart out.

I keep seeing this scene with Frank so differently. It almost feels like he's screaming at her (somewhat passive aggressively) to fight for his affection and to realize that he is not going to be a silent partner in this arrangement any longer. I don't think that he really wants to divorce her but is trying to let her appreciate what losing him would mean. They've been together throughout Bree's life and he's trying to jolt her into committing fully to loving him again. The affairs, the decision to change his sabbatical plans, and the announcement that he was taking Brianna away all seem like someone trying to get her attention. When she tells him that she only loved him once, I don't think that is what he was anticipating. It's at this point (it seems to me) that he finally realizes that he can't make her love him anymore.

As much as we learn about the mistresses, etc., of Frank's past marital life, we also see a Claire who was fully aware of all of this and looked aside which gave the impression that she couldn't care less.

In a way, I think it would have been more palatable to Frank if Claire had really been having an affair too, whether with Joe or someone else. That, at least, would be something Frank could understand and fight against. He just never stood a chance competing with the ghost of Jamie, and he knew it.

I was thinking some more about the decorating styles of Claire, Frank, and Bree, and think that those styles really represent their roles in their family lives. Claire sees it as not needing a lot of things, but the spartan style of her house says a lot about the effort she put into her marriage as well. No need to dress it up or decorate it, just keep it going day to day. Bree is the heart of this family, the one who holds everything together, and her room is rich with emotional connections.

That is a really interesting observation. Something I've never thought of, but seems very true to me.

I have to agree with Pauline here. I don't think he was even running away with one of his girlfriends, rather it was more likely he was running from one. I just wonder if things had got too hot with the girlfriend and he really was jealous of Joe Abernathy so it was a way of getting a "new start" so to speak in the one place where he and Claire had once had some happiness.

This chapter is really easy to overlook in racing to a desired reunion. Thanks to each of you for the great discussion. My thoughts take a different path...

The story moves from the extended adventure of looking for clues in the past, with Roger as guide, to a decision for Claire to return to the past in hopes of finding Jamie. This chapter interrupts that process for Claire to address her more immediate past, with Frank, and to close this part of her life, with some regrets for what could not be.

It is part of the roller coaster of emotions in this story. In a sense, the last twenty years have been preparation for this change in her life. It is a necessary part of Claire's preparations to deliberately leave the world she was born TO in exchange for the world that she was born FOR.

Quote "It is a necessary part of Claire's preparations to deliberately leave the world she was born TO in exchange for the world that she was born FOR."

Well said, repoman!