Hahaha! You girls are great and NO, we don't hate you.
I have to also agree with you both. Neither of their infidelities were acceptable and just like LJ mentioned, I think we tend to think more of Alexander's case more because we lived it play by play. Had we experienced more of Tatiana's affair, I think we would be focusing on it equally, as well.

Pauline, you're absolutely right about Tania's affair being the most dangerous of the two. Did Tania even realize what she was doing? Was she intentionally letting herself fall for the Dr. or was she unaware and doing it subconsciously?

To try to answer your question LJ, I think Tatiana did enjoy her job at first. But when her involvement with Bradley increased and thus her work load, I believe it was then that her judgement began to get clouded with her want to be around Bradley. Had she been in her right mind, wouldn't she have recognized all the warning signs?


A side thought: As I read the series, mostly when I hit T&A and on, I kept on thinking, "Oh, please. Don't let Alexander survive all of this only to die because of the enormous quantities of cigarettes he's smoked! Please don't let him get lung cancer or anything like that!" Anyone else get nervous whenever the amount of cigarettes he smoked were mentioned?

First of all I agree with all of you about Tatiana and Bradley. This is something that sort of bothered me and you certainly brought it to the surface, it's just that Alexander seems to me the more selfish person, but I agree that as far as fidelity goes Tatiana was also going a very dangerous way. I think that as a personality and way of behaviour maybe even Bradley was more suitable for her and he so reminded me of Edward back in New York who also fell for Tatiana in a big way. But of course the epic and passionate love she could only have with a person of Alexander's nature, so I wonder, in real life, which would have been better for her? For us fans, of course she could only be with Alexander.

Wow Yolie, you can't imagine how many times the cigarettes and smoking bothered me . Of course it was a time when everybody smoked and was certainly not bothered about passive smoking. He not only smoked but did it around Tatiana who had had TB, this was only mentioned once when they were trying get pregnant, I think. I also thought about lung cancer, lucky for Alexander, Tatiana and us, he got to such an old age in spite of the smoking. I don't think PS would have been so cruel.

Interesting. I'm rethinking/trying to remember details, but I think you are right that part of the reason I judge Alexander more harshly is that we saw his behavior play-by-play and saw little of Tania's. And, I agree that hers was potentially far more dangerous to their marriage. That said, I'm still not sure I consider it equal. Tania developed a fairly close relationship with three doctors with whom she worked closely: Matthew Sayers (is that the right name?) on the Russian front lines, Edward at Ellis Island and then Bradley in Arizona. Despite thinking Alexander was dead in the latter part of her relationship with Matthew and for most of the time with Edward, I never actually believed that her feelings for them were strong enough to rival what she felt for Alexander and never felt like she was close to considering marriage (well, Matthew died not too long after she thought Alexander had, so that didn't have much time to develop). Still, she had plenty of time and opportunity to fall for Edward or at least allow for a relationship to develop and she didn't.

Bradley came on the scene much later when Alexander was not just a memory, which can be hard to live up to. And, when they were clearly having problems. But, still, I don't think she was very close to leaving Alexander, or having more of a relationship with Bradley. That just didn't seem to be her style, despite developing fairly close relationships with those doctors. And, until she finally talked to him, I don't think she realized how it looked to others or even to him.

I could be wrong and I should probably reread, but I don't think I saw it quite the same way as some of you. Or at least not quite as extremely as you did. Not that I think she wouldn't have considered Bradley had she and Alexander split up - I think they might very well have ended up together in that case - but I don't think it was a foregone conclusion and since it wasn't likely in any case because of T&A's history, I'm just not quite going there, I suppose.

ETA: I cringed at all the smoking too, and was glad that there was no lung cancer. There was certainly enough other stuff. . .

Audio, I can see your point. In the alternate ending for TBH, that is found in Tatiana's Table, Tatiana does marry Dr. Ludlow. She seems to have gravitated towards doctor's, which makes sense since she worked so closely with them. Alexander's one saving grace is that he didn't go through with the affair and left before ruining his life and Tatiana's. He was remorseful and seemed to snap out of HoS funk once he realized the ramifications of his actions.

I haven't read the alternate ending, but I did think that Tania would have ended up with Edward if she hadn't discovered that Alexander was alive. But, there was a lot of time and a lot of brushing him off before she would consider that and I guess I don't think that much time and experience had passed with Bradley. Or maybe I just don't remember enough of the details.

I am very glad that Alexander came to his senses, though.

It's true Alexander came to his senses in time but I kept thinking what would have happened If Carmen happened to have a condom the first time they were together, would they have gone all the way? So it was also luck or maybe he would have come to his senses then. Well good thing it ended the way it did.

I can't even fathom Tatiana ending up with another man.

No, I don't think their infidelities were equal. Yes, both very dangerous, but not equal. I meant that had we seen through Tatiana's eye's her moments with Bradley, we might remember and cringe at her errors just as much as we do with Alexander's.

It seems like Tatiana gravitated towards Doctor's but actually maybe they gravitated towards her. She worked in their environment, she was obviously pretty and was a great person. What's not to like? And I don't think Tania would have been as happy with any of the doctors (even Edward who seemed to be very genuine with her) as she was with Alexander.

How is it that they managed to stay true to each other during those years apart and in awful and sad circumstances only to have drifted apart when together? Of course, all is well in the end, but what was that? Is it the common mistake that happens sometimes in marriages today; that they took themselves for granted? The book makes it seem like Tania escaped her home life by getting a job because Alexander's workmates were jerks to the max. I find that excuse hard to swallow. But maybe I missed something.

Yeah, those cigarettes had me nervous. It would have been too cruel of PS to allow that. There is a part (can't remember where) when Alexander tells Tania that she is going to make him a chain smoker. Hahaha! I laughed out loud when I read that. Wasn't he, actually, already a chain smoker? Hehehe.

The smoking was definitely hard to take. Didn't Harry go after him about that all the time. There's a scene in TSG when they are having it out finally. Tatiana is confronting him about his relationship with Carmen

Alexander smoked down his cigarette before he answered her. "I thought you wouldn't really care," he said, I know that once you might have cared, but I thought that now you would go on with your consuming work, having your little secret lunches,pretending you're chaste. I thought we might have words, and then you'd pat me gently on the back, kiss me fondly on the head, but in your heart of hearts not give a rat's ass."

Like every relationship, there's two sides to everything. I can't blame Tatiana for giving up on him after the people he associated with and his behavior was reaching rock bottom, but he did pull himself back at the last minute. But Alexander had his point also. I'm just so glad that they had it all out in their own fashion and found each other again. That's the redeeming point of this whole fiasco which makes all romantics swoon, their reawakening to a better and more honest relationship.

Pauline, thanks for posting that quote. Alexander was clearly suffering and as we know, misery loves company. I am not saying I condone his behavior in any way, but I can understand why he sunk so low. Even Tatiana's holiness couldn't save him from himself.